Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
