I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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