nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
