My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
