well you can't waste a boner
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
