the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
