She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
