please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
