thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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