Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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