So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
