I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize