you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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