another moral hangover. fuck.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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