fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
