Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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