he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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