My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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