dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
