He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
