please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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