I bet he comes in French.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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