Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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