My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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