What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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