Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize