You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
