Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
