I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
