and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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