I want to walk on stilts...naked
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
