shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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