carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
