Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
