I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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