If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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