we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize