You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
