Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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