just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
