She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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