There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
