It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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