well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
