I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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