so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
