she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
