They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
