How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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