I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
kristin has been a bad kristin
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
