I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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