Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
