please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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