I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
