Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
