i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
