I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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