I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
