No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
