I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize