i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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