Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
