You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
