You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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