eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
These tits shall not be calmed
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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