You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
