Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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