fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
